You’d think, as a personal trainer, I’d know better than to fuel this Herculean task with a meager meal of overnight oats, lasagna, a few cups of coffee, and half a liter of water. But nope! This brilliant meal plan left me with a whopping zero-to not-enough calories, leaving me ill-prepared for the 2,217 strokes and roughly 1,000 calories I was about to burn.

The rowing began, and let me tell you, it was not fun. I started strong, maintaining a steady 1:52 pace per 500 meters. But as dehydration set in, I was forced to run to my studio’s hydration station for salvation. This is because proper hydration is critical for maintaining blood flow, regulating body  temperature, as well as providing the muscles with the nutrients and oxygen they need so they can perform at their best. Research has shown that even mild dehydration (2-3% loss of bodyweight) can have negative effects on performance, including decreased endurance, reduced muscle strength and power

I needed those water breaks but it came at a price; the forced break brought my average on the 500m down to 1:59. Terrible, I know

But the real battle began with my bony butt. My mid-forties white male’s deflated bunions are simply not built for a rower seat. (Nor are they build to hold up a pair of jeans, but that is another story all together)
My gladiator buttocks, better known as the Gluteus Maximus cramped and rebelled, demanding rest

With 5 km to go, the cramps intensified, and I was forced to take strategic breaks every 200 meters to appease my rebelling rear end.

Summoning the courage of a thousand rowers, I performed hops and squats to resuscitate my aching muscles, then tackled the final stretch like a rowing warrior. In the end, I emerged victorious, finishing the half marathon rowing challenge in 1 hour, 28 minutes, and 25 seconds, with an average pace of 2:05 per 500 meters.